When ‘Serving Me’ Misses the Blend

There’s a phrase that seems to follow modern dating around like background noise:

“If it’s not serving me, it’s not right.”

It sounds strong. Decisive. Self-aware.

But sat here with a coffee in hand, watching people come and go past this little yellow van, I can’t help but think… it’s often misunderstood.

Because in theory, it’s not wrong.

A relationship should serve you, just not in the way people often mean it.

What it should mean is simple:

Does this relationship add something meaningful to my life?

Do I feel respected, valued, and understood?

Is there balance (not perfection) but a genuine sense that we’re both showing up?

That’s not selfish. That’s healthy.

The problem is, somewhere along the line, the meaning got twisted.

Instead of:

“Is this good for me long-term?”

It became:

“Is this exciting me right now?”

And those two things are not the same.

The Problem With “Serving Me”

Real relationships aren’t always easy. They don’t constantly feel like a highlight reel. They require patience, compromise, and sometimes choosing each other even when it’s inconvenient.

But if we treat relationships like a service, something that should always deliver, always feel good, always meet our needs instantly… we start to lose something important.

Depth.

Because the moment things feel a bit steady… or a bit real… or a bit less like a rush of something new, it’s easy to label it as “not serving me.”

When actually, it might just be… normal.

The Insta Effect

Then there’s the other layer to all of this.

We’re not just dating people anymore… we’re also, whether we admit it or not, dating the idea of how that relationship looks to others.

Instagram doesn’t just show us relationships. It shapes what we think they should be.

First holidays. First homes. First babies.

Everything packaged as milestones, as if “firsts” are what make something meaningful.

So when we meet someone who doesn’t fit that narrative, maybe they’ve been married before, maybe they have kids, maybe their life isn’t a blank canvas… something in the back of our mind hesitates.

Not because they lack value.

But because they don’t fit the image.

And that’s where we start making quiet trade-offs:

Choosing novelty over stability.

Choosing “firsts” over depth.

Choosing perception over reality.

What We Risk Missing

The irony is, the very things that might make someone “not ideal on paper” are often the things that make them a better partner in reality.

Experience.

Self-awareness.

Resilience.

A clearer understanding of what actually matters.

But those things don’t always photograph well.

They don’t create instant excitement.

They don’t tick the social boxes.

They build something slower. Something steadier.

Something real.

So What Should It Mean?

Maybe “if it’s not serving me, it’s not right” needs a bit of a rewrite.

Not:

“Does this give me everything I want right now?”

But:

“Is this building something that’s good for me over time?”

Because a healthy relationship won’t always feel like a spark.

But it will feel like:

Calm.

Respect.

Consistency.

Being chosen properly, not just when it’s easy.

Final Thought (from the van)

Sat here, watching the world go by, it’s funny what people chase.

The loudest thing.

The newest thing.

The thing that looks best from the outside.

But the ones who seem happiest?

They’re not chasing “firsts.”

They’re building something that lasts beyond them.

And that doesn’t always look exciting at first glance.

But it serves them in the ways that actually matter.

Maybe that’s the difference.